The Dark Side of the Moon

Darkness is disturbing… The lens of this perception is amplified by my night blindness, an unfortunate case of astigmatism. Darkness confuses me, the way dyslexia confuses you. (Can you meet me halfway on this?) A level of panic sets in when I can’t see the world – why wouldn’t it? I’d rather be deaf than have this night blindness, but maybe deafness would confuse me, too. I need the sun to rise, to ease the confusion. I am perplexed and bewildered, it’s embarrassing and distracting. It’s making my brain misinformed.

Early man used the light of the moon to his advantage. During the full moon, hunting was epic. You could harvest the skins and meat of animals while they slept and not worry about events taking a dark turn.

Our menstrual cycle is tied to the moon – the moon is some small way controlling the sex lives of men and women alike. We’re just too distracted, by nature, to be THAT tied to the universe. The moon causes the tides to shift – the inter-tidal environment created life. A place where an organism would switch between living on land and living in air. Early man was confused by the “Man on the Moon” – we didn’t know what craters and a hostile universe created. We didn’t know about eclipses or gravitational fixation or planetary accretion – we didn’t know anything. (The conflicting panic and inspiration creates “lunatics.” I am not alone on this.)

(I digress!)

I am thinking about my daughter now. The stark contrast between the love of raising children and the toxic nature of the early universe astounds me! She is too angry to reflect on the all the pleasant memories, camping with the Indian Maidens, how I sewed clothes just for her, how I remember when her father taught her to spell mom. No, all of that is out the window! It’s all part of a person’s journey. It’s why the Amish have rumpspringer – it’s in human nature to smash the safe silo that was created for us with love. It’s only human to want to explore and push the laws of physics, as it were. That’s how we ended up on the moon…

When the tensions rise faster than the waters of a fjord, our primordial brains feel backed into a corner (No one puts baby in a corner! No one!) You didn’t run scenarios for this – you should’ve, but you didn’t. You can’t understand why pool time has shifted to yelling. It’s incomprehensible to you and it’s natural at the same time. Your child is on the dark side of the moon. There will be radio silence. There will be mistakes made that will rival the destruction of the asteroid impacts that litter the dark side. You’re just hoping is not as destructive as the collision that created the moon, an oblique collision that started all of this. But it all ended well right? That’s why we are here. That’s what we can have thoughts like I think, therefore, I am.

The moon perfected the gravitational balance from the sun,  and evolution, but you don’t know that – your brain is marinating in resentment and hostility. Your brain is intent on a worst care scenario, like the collision that wiped out the dinosaurs. It’s not your fault, your lizard brain is just in full effect. Nothing new, nothing to see here  – ain’t that about that right? You want them to meet you halfway, you want them to listen, you want them to learn from your vicarious experiences… If criminals can’t learn vicariously from our prison system and ours death penalties, why would your child? Somehow, you both feel backed into a corner during these teenage arguments – the distance between corners is farther that of Pluto and our moon!

But realize that it will all work, in the end. Picture Apollo-13. When they were stranded on the dark side of the moon, they ran scenarios ten ways till Tuesday to survive. They invented a solution as perfect as fire or the wheel. They didn’t succumb to the isolation, the horror of a supremely hazardous universe, where gamma rays will vaporize you and no one can hear you scream. It’s going to work out, you just need to find patience…

So let’s figure out how to bring your child back from the dark side of the moon…

  • Listen more than you talk – quietly set boundaries;
  • Never insult the other parent – try to find laughter and cultivate joy. You know how to do it, you just don’t know you do.
  • Time dilations are not in your favor here – accept it.
  • Make memories, cook their favorite dish.
  • Find the balance between tough love and enabling, because you are not tolerating toxic behaviors.
  • Realize that rumspringer will end, a new day will dawn. The universe will reward you for it. You will have a friend for life and that is normal. That will be the new normal. If Earth could survive the collision of Orpheus, or Earth Mach One, as some call it, your relationship will survive.
  • Don’t take your anger to far and end up in the lunatic fringe. Use the moon to your advantage and inspire a space race, before capitalism and democracy were corrupted.

Houston we have a problem?”

Nah, bro – Susan suddenly figured it out!

Your patience was under a couch cushion (sorry, bro!). We’re controlling the chill right now, with a little Pink Floyd. I am comfortably numb.  It’s all just another brick on wallyou can’t have any pudding if you don’t eat your meat. We don’t need your education – YOUR THOUGHT CONTROL  – wow – this movie is prognosticating some level shit.  Don’t dwell on it.  Control the chill.  (This is awesome!)  I need you to keep track of time now…

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