Oops, I did it again

Britney is absolutely gorgeous in this video – “I’m Britney, Bitch”. Did I taste a note of the Martian? There’s some transcendental shit there. She has inspired men to greatness, she has melted down…

Greg,  Kevin, Sam –  my true crushes hurt –  my ex-husbands  – Emil. So, forgive me if I use my sexuality to torture you, you have used it to torture me. I think you’re lost in the game (wait, did he just give her bling?!) – I digress.

Larry’s used to women using him – I’m used to men using me. Can’t you hear the sincerity when I talk? (I have a lightweight army of people who I have created a utopia for: whether financing college, paying for your lawyer, paying for job training…  I’m used to people living off me – and I sincerely don’t care. It reduces their panic – they can be creative, love their mothers, raise their children, pursue their passions.)

His 1950’s bullshit is in the way.  I am freaking him out. The 1950s were great – but wait, there’s more: he needs to stop working; why am I trying to control him? Why he is trying to control me? Why am I supposed to pay Savannah’s $800 phone bill?

I can’t believe he just accused me of blowing him off.  It’s so hostile – the distance between corners is filled with fire. (BREATHE!)

Didn’t I mention I’m gorgeous from a distance, but bizarre up close?  Didn’t I tell you to back off on the laundry? Didn’t I tell you I was so depressed I didn’t move for years –  or listen to music? How – alike John Forsythe in Charlie’s Angels –  you changed all that?  (Breathe, Susan, breathe… you are gasping for air –  when you wanted him to choke you earlier… David Duchovny would blush! You are a sexual woman again, remember – remember all the orgasms – how an orgasm heals so much – it undoes a lot of what goes on out there.)

You told him you were going blind and deaf – it has heightened your other senses, but still… He can’t relate to your disabilities, that are too numerous to count. How you overcame them – how they are destroying us (the induced mania).  He is perfectly healthy. He didn’t go through six rounds of surgery to minimize genetic defects. How he man-proofed your life… You told him about everything (how infidelity drove you insane) and now he is yelling at you, disrespecting your loyalty, on Christmas Eve of all things. He doesn’t understand you can finance your life, all you need is loyalty!  He doesn’t know you can’t read a single word you write – you just memorized a keyboard.  Keyboards – that makes you think of Frank! (Larry will never hear that story) He is repeatedly accusing you of cheating!

You have run out of scenarios, sanity and time. Everyone is pushing your boundaries. He just questioned your loyalty again – oops, you did it again!

You just need a good night’s sleep. You are pushing the boundaries of sleep deprivation –  it’s escalating the insanity; your blog ideas are so numerous; you’re set to outpace, Isaac Asimov! You told him you had 31,000 likes and comments to moderate – but no, he’s not used to this.  He’s upset the dishes aren’t done!

Doesn’t he tell you how sexy you are, every day? Doesn’t he realize you’re bizarre up close and gorgeous from a distance? You keep on trying to tell him this. (Wait! Maybe he’s bizarre up close, for this day and age.) He’s not listening. (Haven’t you already adapt to his ways, his thinking?) You are captivated by his hansomeness, his knowledge, the connection…  Oh, and the lovemaking is spectacular! Didn’t you tell him you went years without sex and he is being rewarded for it? Apparently he listened, but didn’t internalize, who can relate to that?

Yes, he is tired and rightfully so. He works two jobs, you tell him he doesn’t have to, but he persists. It’s all too much… the blindness causes confusion, you have to work around Larry’s schedule. And Mark’s. You are horribly confused while waiting for the world to wake up – next week you don’t have to live in your bedroom anymore, but shit went down before that could happen. You’ve cleaned up blood at 4 a.m. Your  food artistry should be considered perfection – but no! He is still focusing on your deficient housework (like father did to my mother – housework – a women’s work is never done).  You tell him you can finance him, so both of you can avoid all this. It falls on deaf ears!  This is escalating into a Black Hole Sun.

The issues are too numerous to count! At the end of the day, you want him to realize that all of this is like the object that wiped out the dinosaurs. A scorched earth gave rise to man (why can’t he see that?)  Because no one sees it – because his mother taught him to work hard, and have manners. And mistakes were made. In fact, if his mother hadn’t been so great, he’d be beating the shit out of you right now. It’s all too exhausting, it’s all too exhilarating – but only now, in tiny spaces: in part because it’s the holidays and he’s too busy to digest everything; in part, because of all my cancelled Christmases…

It’s so painful – the distance between corners here is escalating!

You told him you’d quit smoking (remember, you can live without pills, Duane, everything).. he’s not listening!

You talked too much, creating silence. You texted too much and created the art of indifference – he told you could text him anytime, but that was in heat of the moment. You forgot your Digital Manners that you teach so well (more on that later).

This is decidedly awful, as awesome as was to witness the rise of man – you didn’t realize the horror of watching the dinosaurs die. This is extinction of love and mankind! You will never go here again. You’re at the bottom of the Yucatan Peninsula and you can’t look up.

Oops, you did it again – but didn’t they, also? Keeping score is a problem, but it doesn’t matter anymore. The bummer of it all, is when Larry reads this, he will agree Duane and Mark on my insanity.  Wow! Just wow! on that.

Can’t you help replant the Earth after the collision? That could be fun. Can we water flowers instead of weeds? Are you finding Eve? (no that will never happen).  Even when you find your Eve, she will stab you in the gut during your wedding vows. And that’s a fact, Jack!

(Why is he good to me, but not for me?) You feel like he played with your heart – you’re not that innocent. While he was talking about socks that were mismatched, you wanted him to “hit me, baby, one more time” but that is the nature of man. The bucket of mistakes is unfortunate. Britney came back from this meltdown, too, you will too (nope you’re not Britney, bitch). How many people can pull that off? Why is he ignoring your requests to get back to laughing and fucking? Why can’t he give you that?

You are now on the dark side of the moon… Larry will take this all wrong and gaslight you. You apologize for everything. Remember, you only attract people as healthy as yourslef?  (Knuckle down and do your homework. De-escalate, de-escalate.)

Fuck all that! Mistakes are made when you’re tired and blind. That’s what you’re trying to avoid – a fall down the stairs; a cigarette that burns down the house; a Natalie Wood situation (you can’t be remembered that way).

This is happening because he accused you of blowing him off (he questioned your loyalty – STOP!). Why did you bring a gun to a knife fight over this? Why did he? (Breathe de-escalate – there are no options.)  911 is arriving again – you’re losing your freedom, your time, your soul mate…

Suddenly you awake with a start – how many hours have passed? Oh, Sandy is working behind the register.  Oh – Larry always sees your point of view when you’re right. Oh, the movies, the sex, the humanity…  You have food, warmth, everything you need. (Stop being so primal!) You stopped!

Your track record of waking up alive is pretty good 🙂 You’re looking forward to everything again… How did this happen? You’re writing – there will be money in the morning; your daughters are amazing (you just fucked them up a bit too much for Larry’s liking!);  no one is knuckling up on you today…  You will enjoy the sunrise!

I’m going to go talk to Sandy… and then let’s talk – I’m thinking about the square root of Warrens and The Mad Moon

It’s A Beautiful Trauma – I just need to figure how to prevent my own 9/11 (you will Susan! You hustle, you strategize!). Larry has learned to thank your exes daily 🙂  Larry made a casual comment, it’s not big deal. (It’s an issue with Tressi, not you.)

Let’s talk about the math behind vampire movies (it’s delicious!) While we do that, I’m going to clean this house up… I’m building Rome (I just figured out how to remove the lead in the pipes!).

I reach into my pocket (I remembered the existence of pockets (LOL) – more on that later), I find his E-cigarette – in an attempt to less my smoking, I used it, then forgot the existence of pockets. I was trying to write, when he contacted me – you can hear Savannah screaming in the distance: “It’s not always about you Susan”. No, that’s what I did wrong… there was just too much panic, disorganization, resentment, creative juices flowing…

I know hot to solve this – turn into Martha Stewart until I can convince him life is too short to do the clean-up – we can hire someone. The meals in the kitchen are helped by farmers, and truckers, and cashiers. Can’t we just let everyone do what they do best?

Be a little more naked, a little more silent – just until his day off. Oh, wait – he’s stressed about plowing – learn how to do that! (You’re out of work and he has two jobs – you remember the resentment behind that. He hasn’t absorbed that you make money while you sleep.  You’re an entrepreneur – you’re not out of work.)

Stop coming at  him – stop being a shield maiden (Oh, that reminds me of the show “The  Vikings” – We love that show!).

Can we talk about how Alice in Wonderland is one the best novels of all time, while I learn to plow? It’s a fun-filled rabbit hole of madness, deceit, lies, and control and the creativity in between corners. (Can you give me that? Please try to get back to laughing and fucking with me?) It’s called spaced learning, I have perfected the art of distraction to solve problems – you have too, you just don’t know it. You’re too busy building a life!

Now I’m going to write the insanity of measurement…

What do you do at 3:22 a.m.? This is where I live now. You saw the end of this movie and you re-wrote it. You provided a twist that rivals the Sixth Sense, Million Dollar Baby, The Absence of Malice, Planet of the Apes

You remember how the Planet of the Apes created the rise of the sequel? (oh, that’s a delicious tale about Hollywood… yes that’s it! We’re talking about that – after I clean up and get my shit together though – can you give me that?)

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