The Decade of Hotness

As you well know by now, I distract myself as a coping mechanism. The ensuing blindness is scaring me (it’s driving the bus right now)…

You have witnessed your father’s descent into madness – it’s in your DNA.  It’s a lightweight disability that should be no big deal (STOP! You will get through this!). Larry will help you, remember? You don’t remember – he is softly undoing 47 years to the contrary.  (Breathe – distract, deflect have fun)

Are we killing Kurt Cobain for 100 dollars today, Alex?

No, not today, baby, not today.  That’s the next time on Soap…

A quick hop online: your Facebook memories are on point and inspiring articles (no, this won’t do though; you need laughter). You remember watching “The Proposal” with Savannah.. (Let’s do that!) You are, suddenly, transported to another time and space. Sandra Bullock is twerking (that word didn’t even exist ten years ago and now is super fun).  I am Betty White, Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds at the same time. I have the wisdom of a sage, the sexuality of Sandy – I am sexy as Ryan – I am funny as Deadpool, I’m suffering from the Blind Side.

Getting low has its advantages… Addicts have funny stories (they listen to your funny stories); AA meetings are funny and poignant (they make your stories better, if you just listen). Just one year ago, you were sitting in halfway house, trying to convince yourself that you weren’t like these people, trying to talk yourself out of everything, trying to convince you “I need pills“. Your transformation rivals that of “Miss Congeniality”;  you’re being built up like Julia Roberts in “Pretty Woman.” The “Pygmalion effect” is in full display – you are my fair lady.

You reflect on Heather’s engagement: this is what you want for Heather – to be in touch with the Universe, to be appropriately sexual; to have a family bonding moment that is funny and endearing at the same time; to dance, to laugh, to be in the presence of sexy, of wisdom, while releasing anxiety. Remember how Sandra ended up in the woods? I thought not. She’s distracted like me, she’s funny like me, she has built up gigantic walls like me.

YouTube is working very well today – it suggests you watch a video titled “Matthew McCouaguhey’s speech will make you swoon.” (This sounds delicious – will it be funny? Will it make you cry? Let’s watch! Please watch with me. I need this win, I need the company, I need the laughter.)  Matthew describes in detail Sandra’s rapid transformation – from her meteoric rise, to her stellar success. Sandra’s gratitude is endearing – thanking the costume designers and hair artists alike. She is laughing like an eight year old (like me). She is sexy as fuck (like me), she is talented (like me). She is savoring the moment (like me). My success accelerated rapidly as well and I have a small army of dudes, just like her (more on that later). It’s all so amazing, that the Universe can provide this  (it’s the exact opposite of the shitshow we’re used to).

I’ll cop to being a hot mess, that I can own.” She illustrated trauma bonding in “Speed”. She accepts compliments from Ryan, Keanu, and Matthew and Hugh. (I need to learn to do that.  Larry is helping me learn to do that). She tries to provide a glimpse of why she’s a hot mess (I’m not having it, I’m not buying it, but yeah she knows herself better than I do, I’ll give her that).  “I’ve been directed to you from mini-bars…” (how funny is that?)  “Blind Side”, “The Heat”, “All About Steve” (now that is a funny underrated movie). “Crash”, “George Lopez”, “28 Days” – you watched that in rehab. The Universe is rewarding her, like the Universe rewarded me. She is experiencing a “Decade of Hotness” (like me – it’s actually too many decades to count.) I forget I de-escalate the shit of everything, like Keanu and Sandra in “Speed”.

I’m intrigued by the titles on IMDB: “Our Brand is Crisis”, “Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close”, “Premonition”, “Infamous”, “You are both Gun Shy and Armed” and “Fabulous”. I need to watch these movies and get back to you. (Don’t you love “to be continued story lines” like me? That will be next time on Soap.) Soap was inspirational – it brought topical issues to light, with humor, grace, and a well-developed story. Can you stay tuned? The universe will reward you for it. It’s a trip through time, space, and pop culture. The hilarity is snowballing, just you watch. My intoxicating tale of how robots cheat, forest bathing, a return to civility…  We need to start making mud pies (Oh, I didn’t tell you that story yet…)


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