I awake with a start…  How did I fall asleep again? I remember, once again, saying that this has been happening since childhood. And suddenly I’m sleeping! My worst case scenario from sleep is happening: auditory hallucinations – you remember from one bad acid trip – how much it freaked you out! You could hear Savannah screaming at you in the driveway: “MOM! MOM! MOM! Laaaaaaarry, we have to get her out of here!

We go out to dinner – the art of distraction that fulfills behinds needs. (You go outside because you’re stupid today. But he doesn’t even care!) There is conversation, a conversation filled with love. You have your favorite beverage… The beauty of humanity…

We return home. Big term plans are unfolding: marriage, vacation, new Real Estate… The jokes start flying how we could be “Wolves of Wall Street” by dawn! He pipes in that it all has to be in moderation: none of this or that; no debauchery… we’ll wait. (OK, we’ll set limits!) He tells you that if you cheat, it’ll ruin everything… (you’re taken aback – but why?Infidelity created sex workers all of your other conversation, the ransom of little red chief, hollow box theory and others like down. Simmer down…)

Suddenly Susan has been sleeping for hours and it’s because of the weed.  Sleep is so healing, so healthy! There are no recorded overdoses of marijuana.  That safety is comforting and relaxing.

Even before your eyes are open, panic is sets in. You can’t breathe! (Hug Larry! Oh, my God, you need to hold him now. You need sex; you want to just got on hop of him. But you can’t! You were robbed of choice when you slept, 30 some years ago…) This is horrific!

You realize why I panicked (You can’t remember – why, because you’re high?) A de-escalating of emotional blackout saves you right now – then you realize that 100% of your followers are men (probably not true – but remember: whatever!). Breathe! Squeeze…  (Remember what Penny said about your writing?)  Kindness has reduced your fear of the proximity of men; you realize you are rebuilding your life with love, coping strategies that don’t destroy a home, sex and money.

This is what our vets need. Compassion and kindness – a little Mary Jane. The universe has already provided homeless shelters, halfway houses, SNAP benefits, health insurance for the exceptionally poor; free bus passes will prevent isolation and non-profits will teach you to read, computer skills… (Are we really de-escalating the vet issue now?)

You’re busy trying to get your non-profit idea off the ground… Scaffold the situation with the help of government services, other non-profits, philanthropists… Me and my army are rebuilding lives – perfecting an honest American Hustle! Perfection in graphic design, digital storytelling, marketing. Your ideas to have a guy maintain a social media presence even it is just for a sandwich (because the owner isn’t making money either – he maintains his dignity because he is providing a service; another guy might like to plow – it is the dead of winter and you have found compassionate employers that will happen him reenter society; another has a job and a home, he just needs an Uber for health reasons, he needs a therapist; he needs an ear to bend… (you got that too!).


This is the least troubled and calm you’ve been in ages! The waters are flaccid and clear.  Why? Because I’ve done that before – finding out I was pregnant with Heather…

De-escalating really works! Your ex is now de-escalating… (You think about the final year of your marriage: the Netflix, trivia nights, Westworld, parties… he had fallen out of love, so  much so he didn’t care if mistakes were made – he found love elsewhere… that’s why he was so calm!) Your PTSD now is related to your toxic friends. You have rebuilt your life with kindness and the perfection of capitalism; no government waste here, just wraparound services, stringent limits on receiving government benefits…

Your home health care worker isn’t here, because of the snow… But you de-escalated by writing (What? You don’t know how to read and write at a functional level? I can help you.  The teachers that inspired me? Stan Lee and Loren Greene.) This writing started because you talk too much and it has rebuilt your brain and saved your life. PTSD doesn’t have to be chronic, it can be short-term, with the help of 420 and copious amounts of water. (Science is on our side once again!)

We have just figured out that we have devised a plan to keep costs at a minimum, did scaffold correctly (you only need services for six months – remember you perfected this in the nineties).

Can’t you hear the insanity in my voice when I talk? Line up your problems, line up your solution, then match. (Yes my PTSD must be on a smaller scale  – I didn’t see this – I didn’t see that.) M*A*S*H ended and we still didn’t do anything about the vet problem (Really?  really?!?!)


When I was in California this summer, I gave panhandlers money, my leftovers from restaurants (I wasn’t going to eat them anyways!). “Give it away, give it away” a voice said  “any little bit helps”. And if 420 is illegal, will you write to your congressman? We are not, now, longer enrolling people into the prison system!

Be less cannibalistic and more cannabis! We aren’t the “Wolves of Wall Street”!


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