Journal Entry May 24, 2019

I ruined a perfectly good day yesterday.  I didn’t see my father or my daughter due to drinking.  I could’ve gone a nice walk through the park and see my father who has done so much for me.  I also almost burnt the house down while smoking in a black out.  Further I’m on court ordered sobriety so I could to jail for drinking.  Why am I not stopping?  I have been trying to get back to that point every since.  On May 5th of last year I woke up and decided I didn’t want to live like this anymore and I had a pretty good stretch of sobriety going.  I didn’t realize I was on a pink cloud.  I also don’t even have the money for drinking.  I may have to let Larry go for my sobriety which is a hard decision to make.  How many rock bottoms are you going to have.  Last night it was almost death.  Without alcohol I can actually have hobbies again.  Reading, sewing, scrapbooking.  My house will be cleaner.  But really is alcohol work going to jail over?  You have spent too many nice days in bed or drinking completely missing out on the beauty of nature like yesterday.   I want what Rita has.  I want to know a new freedom and a new peace.  Yesterday, the monkey of alcohol was on my back.  I got next to little done.

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